How's it going?

The 35 days of not complaining was going well. I put a note on the front of the fridge as a reminder - no complaining, criticizing, whining or gossiping. Some people (!) said I couldn't do it for longer than a day. I did it for about a week but over the weekend noticed myself slipping back into some of my bad habits. So if I'm totally honest with you, today is Day One again!

My family certainly enjoy having me around more when I'm not complaining or criticizing. I'm more positive, I take a moment to think about what I'm going to say, I'm careful to use an appropriate tone of voice when asking for what I want.

Because really, there's only a subtle difference between requesting and complaining....it's all in the emphasis of your words and the tone of your voice. Same goes for whining. It's about keeping it short without any blaming.

As for gossip, I've been wondering exactly what you'd label as gossip. When I'm talking about my day to my husband, telling him who I've been talking to, what the news is, is it gossip? I think it only goes into the realms of gossip if I start to editorialize, if I start to make assumptions, fill in the gaps when I don't have all the information, know what I mean?


I'll leave you with a couple of sunset photos. Have a happy day!

35 days without complaining

Have you seen this? I heard about it from Maristar. Can you imagine how hard it would be for most of us to go even one day without complaining or criticizing or whining or gossiping?

I see that Christine used an example of stating your feelings which is similar to Marshall Rosenberg's Nonviolent Communication model - they call it "giraffe" talk. In "giraffe" we use this guide - Observations, Feelings, Needs, Requests. When you start using it, it sounds very stilted and strange. Here's an example of the old method of communication, "You always leave stuff all over your floor, it's a pigsty, go clean your room or you won't get on the computer today." (Mmmhmm, sounds like me!) Here's the alternative, "When I see those toys on your floor, I feel irritated because I have a need for order. Would you be willing to put your toys away before bedtime tonight?" Of course, to those of us who tend to be controlling (sheepish grin) and want others (especially kids) to just do what we demand, the possibility and reality of hearing a "no" is hard to deal with!

Anyway, I have decided to take on the challenge. I start today. It's not going to be easy but that's what makes it worth doing.